Big Dog - Rolf Harris

This great big wolf hound’s standing staring at me

Licking his chops and weighing me up for tea

I’m a guy who don’t scare easily

That’s the truth, cor, look at that tooth

And he’s just standing, slobbering and panting, Looking at me

They never had this great dog here yesterday

Her old man’s bought him just to scare me away

I bet he’s in there laughing, shouting 'Hooray'

And I’m scared to death, and puppy dog’s breath

Is coming faster, it’s gonna be disaster

I daren’t run away

Her dad’s got a right to object to the way I dress

I guess

But to buy a huge pup to tear me up

Look his jaws and his paws and his maws all wet

It’s not sweat, it’s saliva

And he’ll be the sole survivor

That’s pure vindictiveness

So, when his great mastiff has torn me limb from limb

What’ll his precious daughter think about him

I’m not very bright but I’m certainly not that dim

You see, then, her father

He will have made me a martyr (you see)

And when me head’s been torn to shreds

She’s gonna blame him

Sounds gory, don’t it?

I’ve turned green

Still I might as well go in a blaze of glory

If you know what I mean

Just the same, I wish I had the courage to run

Either that or I wish I had a dirty great gun

Well, if I really gotta die then I better get it over and done

Cor, that dog’s immense

Still, here I go, over the fence

Go on, dog, go on, treat me as lunch meat

Savage me and crunch me, here’s me foot, have fun